Rain
by Redmoon124
Summary: Ziva/Abby. f/f Fan fiction.1st in my series called 'Storms.' Starts in episode.'Hiatus' S3E23. These will be a continuing series of stories, all centered around the episodes of Ncis and Ziva/Abby. Some will be long, some short. I will publish as I complete.
1. Chapter 1

Set in Hiatus S3E23 Ncis

Ziva pov

This is 1st in my series, called 'Storms.'

_**Disclaimer: Don't own any of um. Just borrowing, will put them back.**_

...Rain...

Rain... Wet, cold. Warm... Can rain be warm?

Her hand went to her face... Fingertips came away, glistening.

Tears... Rain mixed with tears is warm.

Why was she crying? She tried to remember the why of the pain, the sudden dip in her stomach, the tightening of her chest, the reason for now.

She sat straight, surprised to feel the grass, to see the water running over the ground, into mud at her boots. Clothes stuck to her skin. Her hand shot to her side. The gun was still there, the knives tucked at her back. Her heart rate calmed.

She remembered the over bearing need to get out, to disappear. She swallowed, looking around... Trees... The park. Yes. This was the park. But why the tears? Why the pain? This was not her. She did not do these things. Standing, she swayed, blinking the tears and rain from her vision. She hurt... A pain deep within, somewhere untouched before. No, before she'd felt this... Tali... Ari...

She frowned. Why? Why? Why now? Why again had this abyss of feeling consumed?

Rain increased into a deluge, hard, sharp on her skin.

She flinched, jerking her eyes to the sky, her hand going to her cheek... Her mind shifted back.

_''What if those were Gibb's guts smooshed all over the room...?''_

_''Oh for god's sake Abby they're not.''_

_''I said What if! They were!''_

_''The colour would be... more coffee brown, than red.''_

_Slap._

_Slap._

_Slap._

_Slap_

It echoed...

She'd left the lab shaken. Stood in the bathroom... That was why she needed to run. Too much, she felt too much... So she'd run, then she'd remembered it all again. Gibbs... Ducky's words... Abby... She'd stumbled, her legs refusing to hold her. Crumpled to her knees... The crashing emotions... The despair... She had fallen. Cradled herself and rocked... lost time... Lost herself.

She drew in a strained breath.

The slap hadn't hurt, it was nothing. She'd had much worse, much much worse. Yet... It injured, damaged beyond the skin, broke beyond the bones.

Because of who had done it. Her friend. Her new lover. The one person she thought would never strike in anger. But worse, much worse, she had struck back. It didn't matter it was a reflex. The purity they had between them, was shattered.

So short a time she had been with NCIS. So many changes... Abby had hated her, despised the fact she was there. A replacement for Kate... She'd tried to stay away from her. Keep Abby at that distance she kept everyone. But Abby was unlike anyone she'd ever met before. She was drawn.

She exhaled.

Ari damn him... He had destroyed so much. But if not for Ari she wouldn't be here. Wouldn't have found friends, wouldn't have found a place. A place away from death, from destruction, from being nothing but a killer. She'd found something else she was good at. It had taken her by surprise she liked it here so much. Jenny... Gibbs... Ducky... Tim... Even Tony. But most of all Abby.

Her Abby. Her hatred had tempered. They began an uneasy fragile friendship. Even from the beginning she was attracted to Abby. How could she not.

She was life, alive, so alive. Vibrant, innocent. She shone in the darkness. She relished life to the full, hugged it. Abby hugged everything, even her. She remembered that first hug. She hadn't known what to do. She'd stood frozen, bathing in the secret need for the warmth and light on her soul. She was confused why she hadn't grabbed Abby and thrown her against the wall. No one invaded her personal space. But Abby had... Abby did. She couldn't fight it, couldn't fight how Abby made her feel. Couldn't battle the attraction. The first time they'd kissed, she'd been terrified. Not because of the kiss, but because of what it meant. She felt, she could feel, she wanted more. The first time they made love, she cried, curled around the tall Goth, like she was the only air to breathe. As they embraced to sleep. Ziva discovered peace and the purity of love.

Now it was broken... everything was broken.

She straightened, closing her eyes, her throat tightening. Her eyes opened, dull, lifeless... Cold. She yelled into the night until her voice broke. Then she ran. Pushing... Increasing her strides, gulping air. Ran harder, faster... muscles screamed, lungs burned. Closing the walls around, sealing the feelings deep.

She kept running. Glad it was raining. It would hide the tears.

Lightning flashed. Thunder roared. The heavens reopened anew.

...


	2. Chapter 2

Set in Hiatus S3E23 Ncis

Abby pov

This is 2nd in my series, called 'Storms'.

_**Disclaimer: Don't own any of um. Just borrowing, will put them back.**_

...Thunder...

She'd screwed up. This was way above anything she'd screwed up in her entire life. It was a clusterfuck of screw ups. She paced... Back and forth, back and forth, her feet dragging. She'd been doing this for hours. Trying to make sense of it all, trying to understand... Fingers twisted through her hair, pulling the ponytails free into hanging mad scientist strands.

So not right. It was wrong, beyond wrong. Into the Star Trek alternate dimensions of wrongs.

She sniffed, wiping a hand across her bloodshot eyes, leaving streaks of black, lining her pale skin in its wake. She sat. Head bowed, hands going to her hair again, tangling, tugging, trying to wrench free an answer.

The thunder made her jump. Her eyes looked out the windows. Her face crumpling. It hurt, it hurt so much.

My fault.

My fault

My fault

She'd been so scared, so frightened. Gibbs didn't get smooshed. He did the smooshing. It had tilted her world. She'd gotten so terrified inside. Convinced the world was out to get them. First Kate... So not fair! But not Gibbs, never Gibbs... Gibbs was invincible. Gibbs was the balance of light and dark. He fought the bad guys and won. Bullets bounced off him. He was the man of steel! No kryptonite could harm him... But it did. Now Gibbs brain was way beyond smooshed.

She rose, pacing again, her hair wild. Eyes weeping black streaks down her cheeks. Lipstick smeared into a Batman 'Jokers' grin.

She stomped a foot. WRONG!

Another thunder clap, made the lights flicker.

She stopped, her insides twisting, her hands covering her face.

I didn't mean too.

I didn't mean too.

She'd gotten mad, really mad, seeing red flying monkeys kinda mad. Then Ziva had walked in, aloof, laughing, not caring, and joking. Ice... Everything had gone wrong since she'd come. Even before. Kate... Lovely Kate. This wouldn't have happened if Kate had been there. She would have known, saved Gibbs. But Kate wasn't there. Ari had seen to that...Ari... Ziva. Yes. They were the same. They didn't have feelings... they didn't save things, they destroyed. Her eyes had narrowed. The rage had peaked then, found its target... Zoomed in. It was blinding.

_''What if those were Gibb's guts smooshed all over the room...?''_

_''Oh for god's sake Abby they're not.''_

_''I said What if! They were!''_

_''The colour would be... more coffee brown, than red.'' _

_Slap_

_Slap_

_Slap_

_Slap._

_They'd stared at each other. The rage within gone and inside she heard. 'I didn't mean too...'_

_Thunder clashed._

Now she stared at her trembling hand. YOU! TRAITOR! How could you do that? How could you hit her? You love her. You've been inside her... HOW COULD YOU HIT HER!

She wanted to punish it. Cut it off. Make it disappear. She could do that. She knew how too. No one would ever find it. Erase the evidence of the crime.

She sat, her legs collapsing. Staring at her palm. ''Say...you're... Sorry.'' Her voice broke. She screwed her eyes shut, leaning back into the leather of the chair. She really needed a hug. She sobbed again, harder. Trying to will what she'd done away. She wanted to put on ruby slippers and click them together, and say... 'There's no place like home... There's no place like home.''

Still the image stuck... Crying harder as it replayed...

Saw the shocked look on her lovers face. Heard the quiet gasp, which sounded like a scream in her mind. Ziva never made a noise when hurt, not a peep. Gun shots... Knife wounds, broken bones. Nope, not a whimper. That gasp spoke volumes to how much the slap impacted her lover within.

She'd felt the sting of the returning slap. But she still hadn't stopped, she'd hit her Ziva again.

She'd watched something shatter in the brown eyes in front of her then. The returned slap back held no sting at all. Trained to kill, and at that moment super ninja spy girl hit like a three year old child.

Now she smacked her palm on her leg, hard. Glaring at it. JUDAS! She hugged herself, rocking.

I take it back.

I take it back.

She cried again, the action sending her shoulders jerking.

They were so new. New to the point of sickly giggling candy kisses and stomach fluttering looks new. She loved Ziva's laugh, loved her smile, loved seeing the child come out. Tender, so tender. Hands that could snap a neck could caress like a breeze... She loved pushing her buttons. Teasing her, driving her nuts, invading her space. Touching her... She hadn't wanted to like her, she felt like if she did, she was betraying Caitlin. Then there was the whole secret spy girl part. She didn't trust her. Gibbs trusted her, Gibbs told her to fix it. So she fixed it. Fixed it beyond anything she ever expected. Ziva was hot! That was a given. But the emotional attraction went far deeper. Before she knew it, she was in deep, way deep, James Cameron Abyss deep. She was in love. It was an addiction now, worse than her Caf Pow!. One she didn't think she could live without.

She shuddered, biting her bottom lip.

Abby knew she'd been the only one, the only one to be different, her touch was love not pain. She never wanted to be like all the rest in the Israel's past... Now she was just like all of them, her name added on a long list. It didn't matter Ziva had hit her. It didn't matter, because she'd deserved it. It should have been worse. The Mossad training should have kicked in, done some Neo Matrix special move or grabbed her wrist and snapped it. Or better still, snapped her neck.

She rocked more, grabbing Bert to her chest, trying to find some warmth. She cried now silent tears, the ache inside consuming. Because she knew, knew why her wrist wasn't broken, or her neck. Because Ziva couldn't, she had no defence. She loved Abby. Ziva had let her in. It was such a precious gift.

She'd broken the gift... The first slap had shattered it... The second slap had stomped on it with high Goth boots.

They were broken... Everything was broken.

She rocked. ''Oh god...There's no place like home... There's no place like home.''

Home... Home was Ziva... Home was Gibbs.

Thunder shook the world.

GIBBS!

Her green eyes snapped open, a fire danced. Throwing Bert to one side, she rose. A palm, **the** palm, the villain... swiped across her face angrily.

This is bad... Very bad... Worse than bad.

She stomped... Stomped again. Determination beginning to exchange the look of despair. She made the mess... Gibbs said always clean up your own messes. Gibbs was right. Gibbs was always right.

This was not right!

Her jaw clenched, her insides settling. She had a mission. She tugged her hair back into untidy pigtails, straightened her black shirt. Drew in a long deep breath.

She'd make it right! She'd fix it... She had to fix it.

Thunder clapped again, sending the lights to darkness, she ran across the room, grabbing her keys. Throwing the door open, she headed out of the lab.

Lightning flashed. Thunder roared.

...


	3. Chapter 3

Set in Hiatus S3E23 NCIS

This is the last chapter in my series, called 'Storms.'

_**Disclaimer: Don't own any of um. Just borrowing, will put them back.**_

Tempest.

She frowned. Her eyes squinting to try to see through the windscreen as the heavy rain bounced off the bonnet of the hearse. The wipers going so fast it made her blink constantly. It didn't help there was a city power out. It was creepy. She liked it.

Her thumbs tapped staccato on the steering wheel as her anxiety and frustration built. She'd gone looking for Ziva, only to be told she'd left NCIS in a rush, no one knew where. Tony was out checking a lead, and Timmy was in Mtac with the Director. She couldn't talk to Ducky because he was at the hospital with Gibbs. She didn't even think about it, she left. First place she headed, Ziva's apartment. Not really surprised to find it empty and no sign of the Mossad agent.

What really got her nervous, Ziva wasn't answering her cell phone and the call hadn't gone to messages. This just put a furry kicking rabbit in her stomach. Phone off, meant no trace, no finding. Worse, it meant Tony, Tim or even the Director couldn't get in contact. Ziva didn't want to be found by anyone, not just Abby.

She took in a long breath, trying not to wig out again. She needed to concentrate. She was hoping Ziva wasn't just gonna pull a Houdini. She kept telling herself, Ziva wouldn't do that. Which really didn't work, cos Ziva did do that, trained to be a ghost, taught by the best. Ziva was fregging Casper if the need arose. There wouldn't be a trace. Not a bread crumb.

Right now, she couldn't really blame Ziva if she did. Abby was hoping she didn't, if not because of her, because of Gibbs. She was counting on the Israelis' honour, the part that would want to find out who rigged the ship, who smooshed Gibbs. Revenge... yes revenge would keep Ziva from leaving. Of course there was the whole, Ziva could piff and just do the deep cover shit, to find the bad guys. But she made herself dump those thoughts right into the shredder. Cos that just gave her the heebie jeebies, big time.

She blared the horn, braking hard, as a truck took a left without indicating.

"Dork!" Muttering worse under her breath as she stopped at the intersection, her head going from left to right. Her legs jingling up and down. She was wired. Worse than drinking ten caf pows.

"Which way? Which way?" Come on. Come on. Think! Where would Ziva go? Her mind went through every single detail she knew about the Agent and some she wasn't supposed to know. Suddenly her eyes widened. Her legs stopped in their bouncing so suddenly her foot slipped off the clutch, the hearse lurched forward, then stalled. She quickly restarted the engine, turning the wheel to head right, putting her boot to the floor. The acceleration making her pony tails swing.

...

She took a long deep breath. Glancing up and down the street, the lights were still out and right now the whole area reminded her of Nightmare on Elm Street; the first one, not the crappy squeals. She swore if she heard just one squeak of metal on metal she was going to scream like girl. She panned the flashlight around the side of the path she was walking on, climbing the three steps to the door. She pushed back her wet bags, taking another breath. She turned the handle, total surprised to find it locked.

"Of course it's locked. He's not here..." She sighed. Willing herself to not start crying at the whole Gibbs thing. She needed to focus. She dug down into her black bag, searching around until she found the keys with the skeleton hanging from it, sorting through till she found the one she needed. As quietly as she could, she unlocked the door. Replacing the key into her bag as she stepped inside. She held tighter to the flashlight, mainly to stop her hand from trembling. She scanned the room. The beam highlighting the old couch, the handmade coffee table... The books, the fireplace. She sniffed, blinking tears away. She inhaled, smiling sadly as she took in the scent she knew was pure 100% Gibbs. Heading across the room to the kitchen and the steps she knew would lead her downstairs to the basement.

She wasn't quiet now. There was no way she was going to go into mouse mode with a Mossad assassin somewhere around. Creeping up on one was a very very bad idea. Just to make sure, she cleared her throat as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Ziva?" She inched, into the doorway, keeping the light of the torch to her feet. Letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, searching the shadows below. "It's... It's me Abby." Well Duh! Like she wouldn't know.

She stepped further in. Now her adjusted eyes could see a little more. She jumped back with a squeak as she made out the structure of the boat Gibbs was working on. For one second it looked like giant exposed ribs. Her heart thumped. "You there? Cos this is freaking me out big time."

She listened, strained her hearing. She felt her stomach dip. What if she'd been wrong, what if Ziva hadn't come here? Where the hell did she look next? "I... really need you to be here..."

Abby squeaked again, as a floorboard moaned. She stepped back, her hands tightening on the torch. "That is you right?" All her instincts were yelling. Run... Abby... Run.

The floorboard this time creaked louder.

"Oh shit..." Abby saw the shadowed figure, she turned, now ready to listen to the advice and get the hell out of dodge.

"It is me."

Abby froze, her lungs expelling air. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry." Ziva had been sitting in the dark for hours. She'd heard someone enter the house. She was immediately on alert until she heard the heavy boots thumping on the floorboards above. She'd recognize them anywhere. She'd debated leaving. But she was just too tired to run anymore. She'd come here to think. It didn't really surprise her Abby had figured out where she would be. What did surprise her was the fact Abby had come looking for her.

Abby bit her lip, shifting, unsure where to start. Right now she was just high on the fact she'd found her. Running down the stairs yelling 'yah' and throwing her arms around her lover wasn't going to be option.

Ziva went back to the corner, sitting. Her eyes fixed on the Goth. "Why did you come here? Is there information on Gibbs?" She kept her emotions blank.

Abby didn't like the tone she heard. Ziva was on major lock down emotion mode. She reminded herself this was hers to fix. "No. There's no change... and I'm here because I was worried about you... You didn't tell anyone where you were going... You've phones off too. That's not being a good NCIS agent."

"I did not want to be disturbed. There is nothing to worry about... I am fine. You can go."

Abby took a breath, calming her instant argument at being ordered about. Instead she did the opposite, descending the stairway, using the torch to light the way down. "Not leaving."

"It is best if you go," Ziva's jaw clenched.

"Don't agree. Sure would be easier if I did... but you should remember I rarely do anything easy."

"I wish to be on my own."

"Yeah, kinda got that with the whole phone off thing." She placed the flashlight on the cross beam of Gibbs boat. The light directed at the ceiling. It cast enough light to make out Ziva sitting in the corner. She looked like shit, worse than shit. Abby's bravado faltered. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Then I will leave." Ziva got up, moving purposely for the stairs.

Abby blinked, thrown. That wasn't how it was supposed work. "What! No... Wait... Please."

Ziva stopped. Tensing as she felt Abby move towards her.

"I didn't mean to hit you. I know it sounds lame. I mean it's my hand. I should know what it's doing or going to do. If I could take it back I would...I'm sorry."

Ziva exhaled, her shoulders sagging. Finally she turned to face her. "I do not understand what happened."

"I got mad at you."

Ziva snorted. "That is obvious..." she ran a hand through her hair. "I have tried to remember what I did that was so wrong... I cannot see it."

Abby looked away.

"Abby? Tell me what I did?"

Abby turned, anger sparking. "You acted like nothing happened. You came in making jokes... jokes! You were just so damn much like..." She bite off the rest of the words.

Ziva's tone dropped. "Finish it... I was so much like what?"

Now words came fast. "Ice! You were colder than the Arctic. Like what happened to Gibbs meant nothing... How we all felt meant nothing... that you didn't care...and right then I didn't see you... I saw ARI!"

Ziva stepped back, shock evident on her face.

"Shit..." Abby paced. "This wasn't why I wanted to find you... I know I screwed up. I know you're nothing like him... You're different."

"Am I?" Ziva was still reeling.

Abby stopped, almost stumbling at how fast she turned. "Of course you are."

"I'm Mossad. He was Mossad. We were trained the same."

"Technically he was a double crossing evil secret spy mole dirt bag ... You're nothing like that."

"We were trained the same."

"You said that already."

"I don't think you understand what that really means."

"No. and I'm never going too. Because it comes under the 'if i tell you I'm going to have to kill you' clause... Ziva I was wrong... just plain wrong... I was scared and angry at the whole damn world. You came in right when I wanted to smack it."

"So you slapped me instead."

Abby winced. "Yes."

"You did not slap McGee."

"Huh?"

"He was in the lab with you... You did not strike him."

"I..." Abby opened her mouth, then shut it with a click. There wasn't a part of her that would have struck McGee. "He wasn't being dismissive Ziva. My anger found you as a target because of the way you were acting."

"I do not think so." Ziva turned away.

Abby frowned. "You don't think so what?"

"I think you have been waiting to strike me."

Abby mouth fell open.

Emotion returned to Ziva's voice. It was strained. "I think deep down there has always been a part of you still blames me for Caitlin. Because I was Ari's handler. That I should have seen what he was doing and stopped him sooner..." her eyes came up. "The slap was a bomb waiting to happen. Yes?"

"No! God, Ziva. I never ever wanted to hit you. I never blamed you, you know that. We've talked about this..."

"Obviously the issue was not resolved." Ziva scoffed. She should be leaving, this was not going to get them anywhere. This was her own fault. She should have never let anyone this close. Her gaze returned to Abby, the emotion she saw in those green eyes watching her, made her ache. They stared at each other until Ziva couldn't take it anymore, she looked away.

They both fell silent.

"So you think I was just waiting to hurt you? You really think that?" Abby's voice was childlike.

Ziva exhaled. "If you had asked me yesterday I would have said no. Now I do not know Abigail."

Abby felt like throwing up. "Well I haven't been biding my time, waiting to hurt you."

Ziva raised an eyebrow, remembering all the times. Abby had waited to get back at Tony or Timmy for something.

Abby saw it. "I know what you're thinking and that is soooooo different. It's not serious stuff... This is way serious stuff." She waved her hand around. "Ziva I didn't sleep with you to set you up... my god do you really think I'm capable of being that vindictive? Because if you do... You really missed the whole..." she motioned to herself... "... me thing."

Ziva stared at her. No, she didn't really believe that.

Ziva's silence hurt. Abby's face fell. "I'm sorry... I wish more than anything I could take it back. I want to be Superman and reverse the world... I wish Gibbs were back..." she looked directly at Ziva. "... I wish you were back."

Ziva looked away. "I think it is best if we do not wish for things anymore."

Abby wiped at her face. "This isn't fair."

"Life is rarely fair."

"I made a stupid mistake... I know it was huge. I understand it isn't just about the slap... I know it involves trust and lots of other deep dark nasty stuff... but it's not fair to punish me because of how others have treated you Ziva... You're putting a whole lot of shit from your past onto my shoulders."

Ziva's head snapped around. "Is it fair to do the same to me? The first time there is a problem you compare me to Ari."

Abby rushed forward. "A problem! Gibbs getting blown up isn't a problem. It's way beyond problem. It's a serious mind fuck up."

Ziva stiffened. "Yes. It is... I thought you of all people would know how I would react to this... I have been trained to focus, not let my emotion get involved. Emotions compromise thinking and reactions."

"Emotions make you human!"

"So now you are saying I am not human." Ziva gave a bitter laugh.

"That is not what I meant and you damn well know it... You just want to fight. Maybe you should just slug me and get it over with."

Ziva stopped short. "You expect me to strike you? This is tat for tit?"

"Tit for tat." Abby corrected. Any other time she would have laughed at Ziva's mistake. "... And no. I don't expect you to hit me."

"Then why say it?" Ziva's hands went up and dropped, totally exasperated.

"Because I don't know what to do..." Abby snapped, then sucked in a breath. "If I thought hitting me would sort this out, I'd stand here and let you."

Ziva laughed again. "Let me? You honestly believe you could stop me? You really do forget who I am."

Abby narrowed her eyes, getting seriously pissed off. "I never forget who you are Ziva. I may be in love with you, but it doesn't blind me like some love sick teenager... I know to stop you. All I'd have to say is stop and I know damn well you'd stop."

Ziva paused. Hearing Abby saying she loved her, cut through the anger. She exhaled, rubbing her neck. "I did not stop. I did strike you."

Abby growled. "Don't do that... Don't start with that... You reacted. Any other person you would have put them through the wall... You know how I go off like a rocket with things. You don't... I'm not scared you'll suddenly start beating me. This isn't about my loss of trust in you... I still trust you. This is about you're trust in me and I blew it."

Ziva looked down. Returning to the chair, to sit. She was tired, very tired. She rubbed her face, her eyes going to where Abby was standing. She breathed in, her breath hitching. Abby was standing right where Ari died. "You are right."

Abby looked over. "Nice to know I am... Um... About what exactly?"

"I have put a lot of what happened in my past onto you. I did..." her voice broke. "... I did not think you would ever ... strike me in anger."

"I didn't either." Abby's eyes slipped closed. She resisted the urge to say sorry.

"I am not Ari..." She held up a hand to silence Abby. "But I very easily could be."

Abby eyes flared. "Bullshit!" The force of the word echoed in the basement.

Ziva actually jumped.

"Why aren't you listening to me?" Abby so wanted to stomp her foot. "...Can you kill? Yes and probably better than he did... Can you go deep cover and pretend you're part of a secret cell? Oh yea, with bells on... Can you be a cold calculating none feeling ass wipe, who doesn't give a shit about hurting innocent people? No way in hell." Abby took a chance, moving to Ziva, kneeling. Not touching, to afraid to touch. "Ziva there isn't a part of you that could do that... I'm not the only one who believes... Gibbs wouldn't trust you. Jenny wouldn't trust you... You think Tony and Timmy would have anything to do with you if they thought that? Ducky? Come on... Really? They're guys, not dumb ass suicidal idiots..."

"They don't know me."

"Damn it Ziva. That's just it, they do. The problem is, it's so engrained in your head you're a cold blooded killer that you don't see yourself."

"I am a killer." Ziva's eyes snapped up.

Abby sighed. "I know. They know. But you're much more. Just the fact you're feeling this, because of what I did. Should show you how different you are to Ari..." she resisted the urge to hug the daylights out of the Israeli. The look she saw was so lost. "You can kill Ziva. You're capable of it... That doesn't make you like him..." Abby took a breath. "Come on. I slapped you. me." she pointed at herself. "... little me... Slapped you." She pointed at Ziva. "The cold blooded killer." she scoffed. "Who right now is tearing herself a part, all because you have feelings, cos we slept together? Do you think if I slapped Ari, he'd be doing this? Even if I had slept with him?"

Ziva paled. That was not a good thought. Ari and Abby together.

Abby also paled. "Okay, that so wasn't an image I wanted." she shook her body, as if shedding her itchy crawly skin... "Besides the whole ewwww factor of that... Ziva, you're different because you feel... You care... You love..." She swallowed hard. Trying not to think she'd lost that so soon. "Do you honestly think Ari would be like this? I'll answer it... hell no! He probably would just shove a knife into my heart, or if he was in a playful mood, a lung or ..." Abby thought for a moment... "Stomach, that's a slow painful death, he'd enjoy watching... Knife in the eye just for kick...s." her mouth was covered with a hand.

"Abby please. Right now I cannot take the idea of you being hurt... Especially by him."

Abby blinked, savoring the touch. The hand was removed far too quickly. "Sorry... But you get my point?" She winced at the bad pun.

"Yes, I get it." Ziva's eyes came up, the full hurt now showing. "But you thought I was like him."

Abby leant back, rubbing her forehead. "Because I'm stupid. Because I didn't think. Because I didn't stop to look at you... I make mistakes." Her voice softened. "What's happened between us is just so fast... It blows me away how intense this is... but I'm still learning... I told you I'm crap at relationships... This..." She motioned her hand back and forth between them. "...This... us. Has rocked my world... Gibbs getting hurt..." She took a breath, until she got her emotions enough under control to talk again. "... Gibbs getting hurt... Collapsed my world... and the thought... just the thought that he won't remember us... and I'll never get my Gibbs back." This time her voice did break. "I... Can't handle that Ziva... And what's worse is the one person I should have grabbed and hugged and held on to l slapped." Her head bowed.

Ziva felt her own tears. "I feel the same Abigail. What happened with us has also blown me away too." She reached out, fingertips just a breath from Abby's hair. She stopped, dropping her hand.

Abby looked up slowly. "Then believe me when I say I'm sorry, because I'm willing to say it till you do believe it... Until I'm as blue as a smurf."

She took a chance, reaching out, taking Ziva's hand. Inhaling sharply at how cold it was. She held it. Glad it wasn't pulled out of her reach. She looked up, meeting brown eyes. "Please forgive me. I don't want to lose you... I don't think I **can** lose you. I know I hurt you. I know I've screwed up the trust you had in me... I really really really need you... okay, that was a lot of reallys... But I mean them. Tell me how to fix this?"

There was only silence

Abby swallowed uneasily. "Do you want to fix this?" This was the hardest question she'd asked in her entire life. She waited. Seeing Ziva avoid her gaze, and no answer came, she dropped Ziva's hand. "I so suck." she couldn't think of anything else to say now. "I'm gonna go... just promise me you won't disappear... The rest of the team shouldn't lose you too. You... you deserve to stay here... I'll go... I'll... I'll... I..." she couldn't say anymore.

Ziva's mind suddenly caught up to what Abby was saying. "Wait! What?"

Abby stopped, one foot on the bottom step. Trying not to just lose it. "I said I'll go. Please don't disappear back to Israel."

Ziva rose fast, her face full of disbelief. . "You would leave NCIS? Because of this?"

Abby looked down. "I'm the one who screwed up."

Ziva just stared. Then exhaled. "Abigail. You should not leave. They are your friends. They need you."

Abby looked at her. "They're your friends. They need you too."

"You would really leave?"

Abby sniffed, nodding slowly.

"You would give up everything you love and move away?"

Abby nodded again.

Ziva's head dropped. The magnitude of what Abby was saying hitting her like a gut punch.

Abby just waited, biting her lip. Her hand gripping the handrail so hard, her knuckles were white.

"Do not leave." Ziva walked up to her. "Do you know why I came here?"

Abby blinked, her mind trying to catch up in the shift in conversation. "I... It's Gibbs place. I knew you'd go somewhere safe."

Ziva turned, walking back to stand just by where Ari died. "I came here because this was the last place I heard his voice."

Abby frowned. Stepping down from the stair. Looking to where Ziva was looking. Coming to an abrupt halt when she realised who Ziva was talking about and it wasn't Gibbs.

"I did not believe he would betray us. I did not believe Gibbs, even when he was telling me things that did not make sense. I did not listen to my gut. I came here to prove Gibbs wrong... then I heard Ari... Heard how he killed Caitlin..." Her inhale was a shudder. "He didn't care about anything except the revenge he wanted... nothing mattered to him. Everything he had ever told me, were lies. He hated us, even me."

Abby wanted to say something, but kept silent.

Ziva knelt, her fingers tracing over the ground. "I loved him. I trusted him. I believed in him."

Abby swallowed, her own tears matching those falling down Ziva's face. "I know."

Ziva gave a dry chuckle. "You do not know everything Abigail. You think you understand, you think you have figured me out... You think you know the person I am."

"Ziva..." She exhaled the name.

"You trust me to not hurt you. Yes?"

Abby frowned. "I've already said so... So that's a yes."

Ziva rose. "That I would not hurt someone I love?"

Abby's frown deepened. "Ziva. I just said so."

Ziva smiled.

Abby didn't like it. It wasn't Ziva's cuddly cute smile, or even Ziva's sexy I'm gonna jump ya bones smile. This one was cold, very cold. She resisted the urge to step back as Ziva walked up to her. She did flinch as Ziva suddenly put her face close to hers, so they were no more than a breath a part. She could feel the danger radiating off her lover. She swallowed.

Ziva tilted her head. "You should not trust me."

"Okay this is seriously not funny." Abby stepped back. "What are you trying to do? Scare me?"

"Do I?"

"Stop playing games. I don't deserve games."

"Do I scare you?"

"No."

"You're lying."

"No I'm not. Am I scared of you? No. Can you scare me? Yes. There is a difference. Why do you want me afraid of you? If it's a way to try and get me to tell you to get the hell away from me and leave town, it isn't going to work. You're Mossad intimidation training needs updating." she crossed her arms, hating the fact her body was actually shaking.

Ziva let her eyes travel over Abby's body. She didn't miss the fact. She had scared her. "I'm just showing you what I am." Her cold expression faded, she stepped back, giving Abby space. "I do not think you would like the person I truly am."

Abby's body relaxed instantly. She dropped her arms. "Ziva. I already like you... way more than like you. I'm in love with you. I've told you. I've shown you... or I thought I did... Did my slapping you destroy that so easily?"

Ziva closed her eyes. "No... I know you love me."

"I do. I really do."

Ziva opened her eyes, taking a shallow breath. "I killed him."

Abby's brain once again tried to play catch up. She was getting one hell of a headache. "Killed who?" Her eyes widened, dipping to where Ari had died, then back up to Ziva. "Baaaaa. What? No... Gibbs. He..." She stopped, the expression on Ziva's face telling her. "Gibbs lied... Gibbs lied...you shot him. You... Gibbs covered for you... waaaaa. No. this..." She took a deep breath, just staring at Ziva. Now she understood what Ziva was trying to say. She killed someone she loved. She was capable of it. She put her hand to her mouth.

Ziva went statue still. She could see all the emotions cross Abby's face, see her work it all out. She waited for the look of disgust and fear. What she didn't expect was Abby launching herself at her. Ziva flinched, her arms coming up to deflect the assault. Except it wasn't an assault. The impact sent her staggering back. Abby was hugging her, a big squeezing rib breaking hug.

"Oh my god... Oh my god..." Abby's brain was on over load. She hugged the smaller body tighter.

Ziva just stood frozen, much like the first time Abby hugged her. Feeling all those feelings resurface. She was confused, Abby should be hating her. Why didn't she hate her? The walls within quaked. The body pressing against her pressed even closer. She basked in Abby's warmth.

Abby hugged harder, crying. "You saved Gibbs... He'd be..." She swallowed a sob. "Worse than smooshed... Oh." She buried her face into Ziva's neck, holding tighter. "I love you... I'm so sorry... you did that... you... you had to do that... Oh." She drew back, cupping Ziva's face. Holding her gaze, her eyes shifting to look deeper into stunned brown eyes. "Ari didn't deserve you're love Ziva... you wouldn't hurt me like that... there is no part of you that could... I mean... if I went all psycho bitch and started hurting people, well then yea... same way Gibbs or Tony or even Timmy would stop me. But it would hurt you so much to do it... That's why this hurts so much... Ari wasn't what you thought... You..." she poked Ziva in the chest. "... you are exactly what I thought... I mean think..." She frowned trying to work out the tense needed, then let it drop. "I love you." She didn't hesitate in bringing her lips to Ziva's, kissing with everything she had, and felt.

Ziva didn't react, then the touch penetrated, the kiss stirring her own need awake. Hands grabbed at Abby's sides, clenching the shirt. Answering the kiss.

Abby drew away... touching her forehead to Ziva's, both of them breathless. "You're not Ari."

Ziva's lip trembled. Tears coming full force. Gripping harder to Abby's shirt. "I... I do care about Gibbs. I do care what you all are feeling... I am scared Abigail... These... This all of this... I do not know ... it's too much. I feel too much. I... I don't... I..." her voice broke.

"Shhhhh. it's gonna be okay." She reined kisses on Ziva's face. "I'm an idiot, worse than an idiot. I know you care... baby if I didn't think you did I wouldn't have spent the whole night worrying myself half to death wondering if you were okay and if you'd done something really stupid. I'm sorry... I'm sorry." she kissed each cheek on each word. "I love you." She drew back, meeting Ziva's pain filled gaze. Then she kissed her again. Moaning as Ziva met her lips with force. Her hands moved from Ziva's face to tangle in her hair, pulling her mouth closer.

Ziva got lost in the kiss. Then she broke away, needing air.

Abby's eyes flickered open, dazed. "Wow."

For the first time Ziva smiled. "Yes. Wow." She caressed Abby's cheek. "I do not want to be here anymore."

Abby's stomach hit the floor. She paled.

Ziva quickly added. "I mean here... This basement."

Abby started breathing again "Oh... Damn. Don't do that. I nearly had a heart attack." She settled into the hug.

Ziva sighed. She was tired, beyond tired. "You will stay with NCIS... I will also stay."

Abby couldn't speak, there was too much emotion choking her. The relief was overwhelming.

Ziva smiled as she felt Abby's fingers dig into her back.

Abby needed to know something. What this all meant for them. "So... where do you want to go now?"

"Right now... We have to go back to headquarters. Tony will be expecting us there. We have work to do."

"Yeah. I guess... Okay." It wasn't the answer she was looking for. She stepped away, only to pause when Ziva took her hand. She looked at her in question.

"I much rather we were going to my apartment or yours. I would very much like to wake up with you tomorrow."

Abby smiled, shyly. "So... so we're okay?"

Ziva stepped closer. Reading the uncertainty. "We are okay... I think... I think we need to talk more later."

Abby made a face. "Can we do other things first, before the talking?"

Ziva laughed. It seemed so strange to do that when she felt so raw. She pulled Abby to her again, kissing her soundly. "I love you." she breathed it across Abby's lips.

Abby hic cupped a sob. "I thought I lost that... lost this. I promise I won't ever hurt you again."

Ziva put her finger over Abby's lips, looking deep into her eyes. "You cannot promise this... I cannot either. What we can promise is that we will not do it intentionally."

Abby didn't like that one bit. Not right now, not when everything was so stir and shake in her stomach. Not one part of her thought she could handle something like this happening ever again. Her emotions felt like they were on the death ride at Mac world... She straightened up. "Do you have to be the voice of reason? I was making a grand gesture thingy."

Ziva smiled, understanding. She pushed the hair out of Abby's eyes. "I love you Abigail."

Abby's eyes twinkled. "You're going to make me cry again and I already look like something out of a Tim Burton movie."

Ziva took her hand, moving them towards the stairs, grabbing the torch as they passed the boat. "You are beautiful."

Abby rolled her eyes. "It's a black out. We can barely see anything."

Ziva smiled more. "I have perfect night vision and I do not need to see you to know you are beautiful. I have a photographic memory."

Abby laughed. "No fair using ninja skills." she squeezed the hand she was holding.

Ziva laughed.

They welcomed the sound of the laughter and the banter. It felt right. It mended something between them.

At the top of the stairs Ziva stopped, looking down into the basement. A shiver went through her soul. She smiled as she felt Abby step closer, an arm going around her waist, squeezing. Then she felt a breath on her neck and a whisper. "I love you." She turned her head, placing a gentle kiss on Abby's lips in answer.

Abby gave thanks to any god listening at Ziva letting her in again. She also pledged to whatever god listening, she was so not going to screw this up again. "We'll get through this... Right."

Ziva could see the determination shine in Abby eyes. She brought Abby's hand to her lips. "Right."

She gave one last look to the basement. It was strange. She still felt the hurt, the betrayal, but she also felt an inner calm. One she hadn't felt for a very long time. She gripped Abby's hand tighter, smiling, when Abby snuggled against her with a hum. This was her anchor through the storms.

Then without looking back, she led them away, back to NCIS. Sending out a silent message... 'You are wrong my brother. Love does not make you weak.'

Fin.

...

_Authors note._

_The scene that followed this in the show, based on my timeline. Is where Ziva is a sleep at her desk and Abby is by Gibbs desk, sleeping on the floor with Bert. Tony comes out of the elevator and calls them front and centre to discuss the 'bitch slapping." Making both of them shake hands, hug and then tells them to kiss with tongues. Of course, they just punch him._

_I always wanted to know why Ziva and Abby's expressions and emotions were so wrung out and raw when they looked at each other. Abby's and Ziva's eyes in that scene, spoke of something far deeper than just the whole Gibbs thing and the slap in the lab. Especially Ziva, she really does look like hell. Not at all The Mossad cold blooded killer, she sees herself as._

_So I decided something had happened beyond what the show was showing us._

_That's where this trilogy of stories came from._

_Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed._


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